483: I LOVE YOU

I LOVE YOU

NIKOLAI caught Nero who fell asleep in his arms.

He felt gutted when he saw his son's puffy eyes.

[Nero is not the type to cry even when he's in pain– let alone cry in front of other people.]

The fact that his son showed his vulnerable side to him was a testament to how much pain he was in.

[Is this caused by his Lunacy? Or is he sharing Neoma's pain?]

It seemed to be the latter.

According to Mona, Neoma was suffering from a high fever accompanied by what seemed to be nightmares. Like Nero, their daughter would also cry uncontrollably in her sleep. Only the twins could understand each other's pain.

[Unfortunately, Mona and I couldn't help our children at times like this.]

But they could do one thing for Neoma and Nero, though.

Nikolai carried Nero in his arms carefully, covering his son with the Azure Dragon's mist power in order to hide his face. [Our family must stay together during difficult times.]

***

"I THOUGHT you were my younger version," Neoma said to the child in front of her. "But the way you think and speak is different from me."

"Oh, it's because I'm Neoma Version 2.0," the child said, then she let go of her face. But she remained suspended in the air so that their eye level would remain even. "You may not know this, so I'm telling you now: we regressed after you died."

"Regress?" she asked, confused. "Are you saying that you traveled back in time? How old are you now?"

"It's hard to explain, but yeah. That's the gist of it," the child said while nodding. "I'm actually back as Neoma de Moonasterio, and I'm currently thirteen years old. Just like you, I'm not recognized as the royal princess. Not yet, at least."

"You're talking as if there's a chance you'd be recognized as the royal princess."

"Yeah, I'll soon be introduced as the royal princess."

"By whose order?"

"Papa Boss."

"And who is that?"

"His Imperial Majesty, Emperor Nikolai de Moonasterio– the one and only Moon of the Great Moonasterion Empire."

Her eyes went wide. "His Majesty… our father?"

The child smiled at her smugly. "I worked hard to change my life in the present. This time, I gained the love of people that matter to me. Do you know who my first victim– I mean, the first person to fall for my charm?"

"I'm afraid I don't understand…"

"It's Nero," the child said smugly. "That twin brother of ours loves me to death. Heh."

She was too shocked to react.

"It's true," the child insisted. "I have another younger brother. His name is Tteokbokki, and he's my Soul Beast."

She was confused by what the child said. [She has a Soul Beast?]

"And I also have children now."

Her eyes went wide again. "Excuse me?"

"My oldest son is called Lewis, and he's the last member of the Silver Fox Clan," the child gushed. "Well, physically, he's not the oldest among my six children. But since he's the first child I adopted, I call him my oldest."

Now she was really rendered speechless.

[She said she's only thirteen. But why did she "adopt" so many children?]

"I have three more sons: Jeno Dankworth, Xion Redgrave, and little Greko– our maknae," her younger version said. "And I have two daughters: Juri Wisteria and Paige Avery."

Some of the family names that the child mentioned were familiar.

[Dankworth? Wisteria? Those are noble households in the empire.]

She couldn't just remember if she had destroyed those two noble households during the war.

"Aside from my children, I have dependable friends, too," her younger version continued boasting. "My bestie Hanna Quinzel, my oppa Jasper Hawthorne, my unnie Queen Brigitte of Hazelden, and the Paladins. Oh, Stephanie and Alphen are really kind to me as well. I'm not sure if I'm already friends with Dahlia, but she passed the vibes check, so I guess we're cool?"

She couldn't believe it.

Those were familiar names, and some of them stood out.

[We thought Hanna died when she was eleven. But my other self said earlier that she's thirteen years old. So, Hanna didn't die early in her timeline?]

And one more thing…

"Jasper…" she said, breaking her silence. A lump formed in her throat, but she held back her tears. "Is he doing well?"

"Jasper oppa? Yeah, he's doing well," the child said. "Why?"

"Jasper Hawthorne died for me."

"Huh?"

"Don't make him sacrifice his life for you," she warned the child. Then she paused and shook her head before she rephrased her own words. "Don't let anyone die for your sake."

"Then should I let myself die instead?"

She was taken aback not only by the child's sharp response, but also by the sudden glow of her now red eyes, but by the sudden glow of her now red eyes. "That's not what I mean…"

"Well, you're not wrong," the child said with a shrug. "I wouldn't hesitate to sacrifice myself for my people, and I'm sure that they would do the same for me. But the most ideal situation is to never sacrifice anyone in the first place."

"As you said, it's the ideal situation," she said. "But the reality isn't always ideal."

"That's true, but my resolve to live is strong, so you don't have to worry about me," the child said firmly. "I will live, and I will protect my people."

She clenched her hands tight, her chest protesting.

After all, she had once thought of living with the people she cherished, too.

"Young Neoma, what will you do if your world rejects your existence despite your efforts to save it?"

"I will run away to another world with my people."

She was surprised by the child's quick yet firm response.

[It's as if she has already thought about it a long time ago.]

"I already know that this world only sees me as either a purifier or a threat– especially the gods," the child said. "If they can't have me, they'd rather kill me. Isn't that right?"

She couldn't deny that.

The gods used her to defeat Darkness and save not only the human world– but the other worlds that they governed like the Spirit World. But instead of rewarding her for her good deeds, they asked her to become the Aether as if she owed them her life.

And when she refused, they took away her precious people one by one.

So, as revenge, she destroyed all the lives that she had saved before.

"I saw it when you set the world on fire."

She smirked bitterly. "Saying that I set the world on fire is putting it nicely."

"It was beautiful."

The child's remark surprised her. "It was… beautiful?"

"I know that you wouldn't have set the world on fire on a whim," her younger version said. "But I also know that nothing justifies a mass murder."

"Then why did you say it was beautiful?"

"It is what it is," the child said firmly. "And I only said that the flame that engulfed the world was aesthetically pleasing. I didn't say it was right or wrong."

Oh.

The child had a point.

[But you wouldn't normally call an atrocity 'beautiful,' would you?]

"I can see that you regret it, though," her younger version said. "Were you sad because you died alone?"

"It was scary to die alone in a dark place," she confessed. "Especially if you die in the hell that you created yourself."

"I guess it's what you call 'karma.'"

She frowned at the child's calloused remark. "I don't appreciate how you take things too lightly, child."

"Do I look like I'm taking things "too lightly?""

The look in the child's glowing red eyes gave her the chills.

[Ah, I've made a mistake.]

The child wasn't taking things lightly.

Her younger version spoke strange things that she barely understood. But the confidence and the calmness in the child's voice came from one thing: acceptance.

"You already resigned yourself to your fate," she said, amazed and scared at the same time. "And you've accepted everything that came with it– even the tragedy."

"When you take the life of another person, you must be prepared for your life to be taken away, too," the child said solemnly. "My pretty little hands have already killed many lives. Plus, the throne that I plan to take is built on sins, blood, and tears. Sitting on that throne also means I'm prepared to inherit the bad karma that the de Moonasterios have accumulated since time immemorial."

Ah.

She was speechless.

Those words were heavy, coming from a thirteen-year-old child.

When she was at that age, all she had worried about was having a family that would love her. Compared to that, this young Neoma in front of her was already carrying the burden she had carried on her shoulders when she was in her early twenties.

"Just what kind of life have you lived so far, young Neoma?" she wondered aloud. "And here I thought my life was miserable."

"I'm living the life of the main character, so I'm fine," the child answered cheerfully. "The genre of my life almost became a thriller during my childhood because our father was a scumbag back then, so I would often get the urge to stab him in the throat. But I raised him well, and now our father is completely a human."

She didn't have the chance to get close to her father, but the young Neoma in front of her didn't seem like she was lying.

"Mama Boss, our mother, is also alive."

She was surprised to hear that.

"We're all living well," the child continued softly. "Me, Nero, Papa Boss, and Mama Boss."

Although she couldn't imagine how it happened, she was glad to hear that.

[This young Neoma… looks pretty happy and contented.]

Why wouldn't she be?

The child had a complete family, friends, and allies that would die for her, and a positive mindset to boot.

She noticed something missing, though.

"Haven't you met him yet?" she asked nervously. "I'm talking about Commander Yoan Solfrid."

"A Commander Yoan Solfrid doesn't exist in my world."

Her eyes went wide. "Impossible. He may not be a commander yet. But his name as a knight should already be famous around this time–"

"However, I met a boy with purple hair and dark purple eyes," the child said, cutting her off. "Gosh, that boy is such a simp for me."

"Huh?"

"I'm saying that he likes me too much," her younger version complained playfully. "His name is Ruto Stroganoff– and he's a very excellent chef."

A chef?

[Ruto… Stroganoff.]

Yoan's father was Chef Morton Stroganoff. But when he became the commander of the White Lion Knights, he chose to use his mother's family name to honor the Solfrids who were known as the East Continent's Holy Guardians.

But when the young Neoma regressed, the Yoan Solfrid of her timeline had become Ruto Stroganoff…

… and a chef, at that.

Her heart thumped hard and fast against her chest as her eyes brimmed with tears.

[Yoan, you fulfilled your promise.]

She was certain that the commander became a chef because of his promise to her.

"I've seen the last moments of your life," the child said in a soft, sympathizing voice. "You set the world on fire, and so Commander Yoan ended your life in order to save the world. It was truly unfortunate, but I'm grateful for one thing."

"And what would it be?"

"I'm grateful that you and Commander Yoan didn't resent each other," the child said, smiling sadly. "Commander Yoan didn't hate you for burning the world he cherished, and you didn't hate the commander for ending your life for the greater good."

She smiled, and her smile mirrored the child's. "We made our own choices back then and stood by them, so why would we resent each other?"

"But it hurt, didn't it?"

She laughed, and this time, it was an honest laugh from the heart.

It was because she found the child's question cute.

"Young Neoma, when you're literally fighting against the entire world, a heartbreak would be the least of your concerns," she explained to the child as gently and as simple as she could. "You may not understand it yet. But compared to being hunted down by the most powerful beings in the world, breaking up with your lover would be pretty trivial."

"I don't understand," the child said. "If it were me, I'd make a big deal out of a break-up."

She laughed again, then she patted the child's head. It was probably too early to talk about love and relationships with her younger self. "Be kind to "Ruto Stroganoff." Don't take him for granted like what I did to Commander Yoan."

"I'm good to him."

"Don't leave him to carry the weight of saving the world alone."

"I'm determined to deal with my problems on my own, if I could."

She turned more serious. "Do you have all the memories of your past life?"

The child shook her head.

"I thought so," she said, already expecting that answer. "You wouldn't stay sane if you remember all of your past memories."

Her younger version gulped, but she didn't open her mouth.

"Younger Neoma, aren't you going to ask about the past?"

"I've already learned my lesson," the child said while shaking her head firmly. "You woke up because I learned something that I shouldn't learn yet. Although I'm curious about my past, I have to hold back because now is an important time for me. I cannot lose my mind."

The child had a point.

"Moreover, your life is very different from mine," her younger version said. "The things that happened in the past may not happen in my timeline. However, I'm sure we have the same enemies: the crows, the gods who want to make me their air purifier, and the nobles of the empire who hate me for being a female Roseheart. I know that the Devil is also a threat, but I feel like I can handle them just fine. And I'm not sure about the Spirit World yet."

"You're right for naming the crows, the gods, and the nobles as the biggest threats in your life," she said seriously. "I'm glad that you know who your enemies are. Now, let me tell you what you need in order to succeed as a female de Moonasterio-Roseheart."

The child beamed. "I'm all ears."

"First, bring back the former glory of the Four Pillars in order to seize the power over the nobles."

The child nodded. "I'll remember that."

"Then find Serafina– a celestial being who can help you turn the Upper World upside down," she continued. "Unfortunately, I don't know where you can find Serafina since she just appears whenever she wants to. If ever you met her, I guarantee you that you can trust her."

"Okay, I will put my faith on you, girl."

"Thank you," she said, then she paused before she said her final advice. "Don't kill Regina Crowell."

"Excuse me?"

"I'm not saying that she's an ally," she cleared right away since she didn't want her younger self to misunderstand her words. "But even if she's an enemy, her real ability is useful. One of my regrets in my life is killing her early. If I had known sooner that she had a valuable ability, I would have taken advantage of her first before I killed her."

"What's her ability?"

She told the child about Regina Crowell's secret, but…

"Argh!" the young Neoma complained, then she covered her ears with her hands. "There's a loud buzz in my head! I can't hear you!"

She was confused as to why the child suddenly couldn't hear her.

But she finally realized what was happening.

[The present Neoma isn't supposed to know about this information yet.]

That probably meant Regina Crowell hadn't discovered her real power yet in the child's present time.

[The young Neoma couldn't be aware of a piece of information that isn't available in her world yet.]

She made a mistake.

Because she tried to inform the young Neoma of something non-existent, they caught the attention of the gods.

As a result, their time together was cut short.

"Oh, no," the young Neoma said when she realized that her body was already slowly disappearing. When the child looked at her, she saw panic in her eyes. "Neoma Roseheart de Moonasterio of the first timeline– I love you!"

She was surprised by what her younger self said. "What…?"

"I love you even if you burned the world! I love you even if you made the wrong decision and committed mass murder! I love you even if everyone had turned their backs on you!" the child yelled in a cracked voice, silent tears now rolling down her cheeks. "It's okay even if you doubt Commander Yoan's love for you. But please remember to love yourself because even if you became the world's most dangerous enemy in the first timeline, I still love you!"

Ah.

Those words touched her heart genuinely. Before she knew it, she was already crying with her younger self.

"I know it's scary and sad to die alone in a dark place, and you don't deserve that kind of ending," the young Neoma said between sobs, between hiccups. "But I still want you to know that you did well! Thank you for sacrificing yourself– for being the unsung hero of your time! I'm proud of you for enduring it even though it was hard!"

By that time, she was already sobbing hard.

She didn't save the world (before her Lunacy) to be appreciated, but it felt nice to hear those words from her younger self.

Before she lost her mind, only a few recognized her hard work. Most people and beings around her acted as if it should only be natural for her to save everyone because she had the ability to do so.

"It's okay to rest now!" young Neoma yelled as she sobbed harder. "You deserve it!"

She couldn't help but let out a loud cry this time.

When she was still fighting for the world, nobody listened to her when she said she was tired. They made her feel guilty for "not doing her best" during the times that she felt weak. But now, the weight was finally lifted off of her shoulders.

"I will live well for the both of us!" the young Neoma promised her. "I will cherish our family, our friends, and our allies more! I will fuck up our enemies so bad they wish they weren't born in the same period as me!"

Did the child just… curse?

She couldn't help but laugh when she heard her younger self cuss. Even so, her tears still wouldn't stop from falling.

"I'm already too obsessed with myself, but I will love and treasure myself even more until my arrogance pierces the Upper World!" the young Neoma continued with her promises, her voice cracking– but not her resolve. "I will collect more happy memories than the tragic ones you have! I will save more lives than you have taken! I will atone for all the sins that we committed in the first timeline! I will save your soul!" The child sobbed harder while rubbing her eyes with her hands. "We're okay now… We are loved now… And we will never be alone again, so please… Please rest in peace now…"

Her younger self's feelings definitely reached her.

She took a deep breath, then she cupped her mouth with her hands before she yelled at the top of her lungs– her cracked voice filled with gratitude. "Let's not meet again, young Neoma! You don't have to return here again because this time, I will save myself! I want you to focus on your current self and live your life without worrying about the past! You cannot fix my mistakes, but you can make your life better! I will learn to love myself again, so please never fall into the Darkness!"

It seemed like this time, the child could hear again because she laughed and nodded.

"Young Neoma, it's not and it will never be your responsibility to save the world– so please choose yourself if you can," she said, smiling while wiping the tears off of her face with her hands. "I love you, too."

The child put her hands together until they formed a heart.

Aww, it was cute.

Sadly, the child's body was barely visible now– she was disappearing fast.

But she was grateful.

She had finally found peace.

Thanks to the appearance of the young Neoma, her recurring nightmare of dying alone in the ocean that she created from her sins would finally stop.

"Young Neoma, let's love and cherish them this time," Neoma said to the young Neoma, smiling genuinely and warmly for the first time in a while. "My Commander Yoan and your Chef Ruto."1

***

WHEN Neoma opened her eyes, she was greeted by her family's worried faces.

Nero.

Mama Boss.

Papa Boss.

[Ah, I'm back.]

She was finally home.

Neoma couldn't help but smile despite the tears trickling down her face. "I love you," she said softly while looking at her family members' surprised faces. "Nero, Mama Boss, Papa Boss– I love you three so big."

***

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