204: I Don't Belong Here

I Don't Belong Here

As they proceeded to walk, Seren was busy with Xena looking around various things and discussing which variation or what color to buy, while Drayce and Arlan side by side, keeping their pace to match with Seren's.0

Arlan did not look interested in anything, while Drayce looked interested at nothing but his wife. Their knights separated, half keeping close while the others distanced themselves, doing their job of protecting their group. However, the knights were moving so casually they blended well with the crowd, and only a trained eye would have noticed their subtle formation. Oriana was the only one walking quietly behind her master, like a forgotten errand boy.

The prince's and his friend's words would reach her ears from time to time, but in general, she would often slow down her pace to keep herself several steps away, out of hearing range.

"Is this it?" Arlan crossed his arms in front of his chest. "If you wish to shop with your wife, there is no need to drag me with you."

"You can do the same as me."

"Watch what you say," Arlan said, knowing Oriana was just a few steps behind. "I had better things to do. My officials must be waiting for me to return."

"I actually dragged you out to talk."

"Talk?"

"I was expecting you to tell me why you are in a foul mood."

"When the result of the summit is not as expected then how can you expect me to be in a good mood? Have we come here for nothing?"

"I don't think that's the reason. You know it as well."

"Do not make your own assumptions. Go and help your wife."

Just then, they heard Seren call out, "Orian, come here."

Oriana, who was quietly observing the surroundings, immediately responded to her summons. "Yes, Your Majesty? Do you need me to carry your things?"

"Ah, no, not that." The Queen pointed at the dresses displayed in the boutique shop in front of her.  "What do you think of those dresses?"

"They are pretty, Your Majesty." It was her genuine reply. 

"Shall I get some?"

"They will look pretty on you, Your Majesty."

"Help me select them."

"Me?" Oriana felt puzzled. "I…" She wanted to refuse. Not to mention she was a man in everyone's eyes, she had no taste in fashion as well. After all, she only liked wearing black garments.

"Yes, you. Come with me." However, Seren left her no option. Oriana looked at Arlan to ask permission, but the prince merely looked back at her without a word. Oriana decided on her own and followed Seren. 

"How is this one?" Seren asked when she picked a turquoise wrap skirt.

"It's pretty?"

"That one?"

"This one also."

"Which one do you like the most, Orian?" Seren asked. 

"I am not sure, Your Majesty. I never looked much into women's clothes. To me, it all looks pretty if Her Majesty wears them. If you really need a solid opinion, please ask Lady Xena."

Oriana bitterly realized how far she was from these things, despite being a woman herself. Be it aesthetics, the color, matching and fitting, she had no real opinions about them. 

The last time she wore a dress, she was so young she could not even remember the color anymore. She had no idea how she must look wearing a skirt or a dress. 

'I should not think about it. This is not for me.'

She put back on the rack the skirt she was holding.

Seren took the skirt once more. "You have no idea, but I have. I will buy a dress for you as well."

"Your Majesty, I can't…"

"I know you are a man, but you can get one and give it to a woman you like," Seren said as an excuse.

"Your Majesty, I do not wish to be rude, but I cannot accept this," Oriana said with her head lowered, looking apologetic.

"Orian…"

"These things are not for me, Your Majesty. I do not wish to forget my reality. If you still insist, there is only one woman I admire and I can give this dress to her. That woman is you, Your Majesty. I will give it to you."

Seren looked at that unusually distressed face and realized her intuition was right. Oriana had a problem. 

"Are you alright, Orian?" she asked with worry.

"I am, Your Majesty. I am grateful for your concern."

"Alright, I will respect your wish as I do not want to burden you. But you can tell me which one will look good on me, right?"

Oriana fervently nodded, grateful that Seren took a step back. She looked at the rows of dresses. "Your Majesty has beautiful purple eyes so I believe that light purple dress will look good on you."

"Alright, I will get it then."

Oriana took that chance to call Xena, who was in charge of paying the shopkeepers, and stepped out of the shop towards where the others were waiting. Arlan was looking at her but she didn't look at him, as if she was lost in her own world. Her words and her expressions inside that shop, Arlan witnessed them all. 

Their group proceeded to another shop. Oriana watched the ladies buy more clothes and accessories, or any passing item that catches their eyes. She watched them chat and laugh, and even Drayce would stop in front of some weapon stores to appreciate some interesting looking blades. Meanwhile, she had nothing better to do than follow her master blindly. 

She could not appraise jewelry, nor could she determine if a fabric or style was good. She had no real opinions on weapons or accessories or trinkets. She did not know the name of the best blacksmith in the region or the most famous master artisan, nor did she know the difference between the colors ivory and warm ivory, or beige and light beige. 

All of her companions in this shopping trip were either from noble or royal families. She was the only commoner, the only person among them who grew up scrimping on coins, buying what she needed, not what she wanted, what was useful and cheap and nothing more. 

Ignorant and crude and uneducated, that's who she was. Nothing but a poor peasant.

'I don't belong here…' 

Oriana was proud of her simple lifestyle, satisfied with her knowledge about herbs and surviving in the forest, about her clever tricks and skills she picked up interacting with common people. Her situation never affected her before, but for reasons she could not understand, she was feeling left out at this moment. Ever since she left her village, left Wimark, this was the first time she truly felt she was an outsider.

She was alone.

Alone and lonely.

Her eyes turned moist. 'I miss home. I miss Grandpa. I miss Aunt Gwen and Luke and Rina. I miss the village. I want to go back.' 

Her nose soured, and she felt heat in her eyes. She wanted to cry, but knew she could not. At least, not now.

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