254: I Have A Secret

I Have A Secret

Staring at the ceiling, her hand caressed the back of his head.0

"Your Highness, do you know? I have a secret. In fact, I have many, many secrets. Some of them, I only learned recently, others I have kept hidden almost my entire life.

"Your Highness, will you hate me if you learn I deceived you? I am scared. Scared that you will despise me. Even though I know we will part ways when the time comes, the mere thought of your disgust or resentment makes my heart ache.

"That is why tonight I wanted to tell you one of my secrets. Better you hear it directly from me, rather than hear it from another person… but it seems like time is not on my side. You are not in a situation to understand or listen to the words I want to say. 

"Your Highness, can I cheat? I know you can't hear me, but shall I say it? Shall I tell you my greatest secret?"

The silence of the chamber made her feel emboldened. A small smile graced her lips as she stroked his head. 

"I am a woman, Your Highness," she said softly, gently, regretfully. "I am not the pretty boy Orian you thought I am, but a common woman with the name of Oriana. I am a woman disguised as a man, a lowborn with no parents nor background to boast of. Everything I have now, from the clothes I wear to the knowledge I have, I toiled over to have them and was able to achieve them because of my disguise. I am an ambitious woman who studied medicine wishing for a better life…because I do not want to be only a man's wife for the rest of my life.

"Are you disappointed, Your Highness? I deceived you, just like I did everyone else. I am a compulsive liar, and I can make up stories without batting an eye. You are right when you said I am good at acting, because all my life, I have to survive by pretending to be someone I am not. 

"Even if I can get the chance to go back and turn the situation around, I will choose to lie again, because there is someone I need to protect, and for him, I am willing to do anything." 

She closed her eyes, and tears trailed down from the corners of her eyes. 

"I wish we met in a different situation. I wish things were not like this. I wish…"

A low sob escaped her lips. She tightened her arms around him as she let her tears roll down unimpeded. 

"I don't know what and why I am feeling like this, but all of these are just making me cry."

She had no idea how long it took for her to calm down. However, the oil lamps within the chamber appeared close to running out of oil. She spoke though she knew Arlan would not hear her.

"Your Highness, you should lie down properly."

She could not continue to sleep like this the entire night. Not to mention how embarrassing it was, she worried that she'd be sooner or later crushed under his weight. 

She tried to roll him away, but she could not budge his heavy body. It seemed to be an impossible task, like moving an entire mountain. 

After her multiple failed efforts, she finally gave up. There was only one solution left. 

"Sir Loyset, are you there?" she called out, trying to sound as casual as she could.

Several seconds passed by with no response from beyond the door, so she asked again, "Sir Loyset, are you there? I need your help."

After a while, the door finally opened. Imbert stepped inside the dimly lit chamber and heard Oriana call out, "Over here, Sir Loyset. Can you help roll His Highness away? I can't breathe." 

Her voice was so small and pitiful, it would make others think she had been wronged. 

Without delay, Imbert went to the bed and moved Arlan away from Orian. He made the prince lay properly in bed, his body covered with a quilt. 

Meanwhile, Oriana used this chance to quickly slip away from the bed and fix her messy clothes. Although her back was facing the knight, her entire face was burning bright crimson with embarrassment.

She was screaming incoherently in her mind.

'How many times has he caught us—-ahhhhh!'

Worse, it was her who took advantage of Arlan this time. She was guilty of kissing a man too drunk to remember what happened. Though she does not regret it, it still weighed heavily on her conscience.

The sound of the door closing eased her breathing, and she slowly turned to look at the closed door. 

'I am not sure what he must be thinking about me?' 

To her horror, it dawned on her that Imbert was standing just outside the door. Since he heard her calling for him, then her moans…

Oriana hurried to button up her shirt, shaking her head, wishing she could just erase the thought. Her fingers happened to touch the moist part on her neck. Her mood visibly cooled.

'Why did he shed tears?' 

She went closer to the sleeping prince, her gaze observing his peaceful face.His eyelashes were still wet, and the corners of eyes still showed traces of tears. 

It made her bewildered and confused.

What could make a grown man like him cry? A bad memory? A regret?

Crying would be the last thing she would expect from a strong and arrogant man like him but…it seemed like there were many things she thought she knew about him that turned out the opposite.

Oriana went to sit on her usual place, the couch next to the bed. She lay on it, unable to pull away her gaze on the sleeping Arlan. 

'When you wake up tomorrow, none of what happened between us will remain in your memories, but I will always remember it… and I don't regret it, not even a bit. 

'One day, when we parted ways, with you in the royal palace crowned as the new king and me in some distant village healing sick people, I wonder if you will think of me. 

'Will you remember there used to be a naughty aide who always caused you trouble? Will you think of me once in a while when you catch sight of an herbal shop, or when you meet royal physicians? That day we spent roaming the market of Jerusha, the night we went drinking in the tavern, that time I put lavender essence in your bath, that time you mocked my drawing of banned herbs, that day I almost got killed by the tribesmen in the jungle… 

'...Your Highness, will Orian be part of your good memories? 

She did not want to cry, but for some reason, it felt as if her heart was breaking.

'It should not matter to me… but I cannot help but think about it. We live in different worlds. Who would have guessed that the bratty prince I used to mock has grown on me this way? To think I will care if he gets upset with me. To think…' 

She stopped with a sigh as her mind blindly grasped at words, unable to perfectly explain what she felt. 

'Let's just sleep, for when I tell him the truth tomorrow, things between us will no longer be the same.'

Orian closed her eyes with the determination to reveal herself to the man who caused her heart to waver. 

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