66: I am scared of me

I am scared of me

Heaven did her best to distract herself from the nightmare she had. She thought she succeeded, but it seemed it was only temporary. Staring at herself in the mirror, Hera's face overlapped with her reflection. No matter how she would twist the truth, she would never be Heaven Liu.  0

The soul inhabiting this body was once a cold-blooded devil, bathing in the blood of those lives she took. Regardless of the reasons, her sins were enough to obtain heaven's wrath. How ironic. That she woke up in the body of a woman named Heaven, when all her life, she was Hell. 

"There's no point in dwelling on such a pathetic thought, Hera," she murmured, extinguishing the bitterness growing in her chest. "The day I woke up in this body, you shamelessly claimed this life as yours. Take responsibility like you always did."

Heaven nodded at herself, convincing herself having such emotions would do her no good. This guilt would just cripple her if she let it affect her. 

'Don't be afraid,' she convinced. 'Hera is dead. Your enemies will not come at you anymore because you are now Heaven Liu. Karma? If Karma comes, then I'd just have to kill it quietly if I must. Do you understand? There's nothing to be afraid of.'

Heaven almost successfully convinced herself until how she got into this body crossed her mind. 

Right... she thought. The reason the soul was now in this body was that someone killed her. 

A layer of frost coated her phoenix eyes as she gazed at the mirror intensely. This fact alarmed her from the start but barely gave thought to it. She was confident of herself and her capability, telling herself she could turn the table if another murder attempt happens. However, after meeting Sebastian, her heart felt even more restless. 

'This is not good,'She told herself. 'It's not just me anymore. No matter how clever my son was, in front of a cold-blooded murderer, he will just be a child.'

Her jaw tightened as she lowered her gaze.

In her previous life, she had seen pitiful children get victimized by the cruel world of the underground. Just like that Bishop who accepted bribes from a powerful mob boss, lending the church to do their illegal trades. 

The trade was illegal substances, smuggled arms, and human trafficking. Particularly, children. 

She would never forget the sight of those children as soon as her men opened the shipping container. All those children were in a pitiful state, drugged, so they wouldn't resist or make a sound. But what was even more hair-raising was the fates of those children. If these dealings did not inflict her organization, one could only imagine the worst.

It might not happen to Sebastian, but this sort of memory that haunted her even when she had her eyes open reminded her how cruel this world was. It was a glorious reminder that there were people out there who would do anything for the sake of power and money. 

'Don't jump to conclusion, Hera,' she told herself, scratching the surface of the desk in the vanity mirror as she balled her hand into a fist. 'Just focus on catching this bastard who killed Heaven. This is an isolated case — it has nothing to do with the underground. This person's target is you, not Basti or Dominic.'

Bitterness swirled in her eyes. 'Catching that motherfucker doesn't mean you should sully your hands again. Right. I don't need to soil my hands anymore. Violence is not the only way to make this world listen. This is a new life — one that is different from what I've known. I will not return to that sort of life…'

"You really have a habit of staying in your robe, huh?" Heaven flinched when Dominic's voice pierced the quiet air. "Aren't you afraid you'd catch a cold?"

Heaven slowly turned her head in his direction, only to see Dominic leaning against the entrance of the walk-in closet. He had his arms folded. His expression was plain and stoic.

"You're here?" she breathed out in relief, pushing herself to stand up. "You said you will run late."

"It's already an hour past eight," he returned, watching her march in his direction without faltering. "Technically, I am… late."

Dominic trailed off as she suddenly leaped, throwing herself at him. He unfolded his arm on instinct, raising them to the side as she wrapped her arms around him. Frozen, his eyes went wide, gazing down at her, only to furrow his brows upon noticing how her body trembled against him. 

"I'm relieved that you're home." Heaven buried her face in his chest, clutching his back tightly. "I thought I was going to suffocate."

It took several seconds before the situation sank into his head. "Did something happen?"

"None."

"Why… are you trembling so much?" Dominic planted his hands on her shoulders, pushing her away slightly to look at her face. "Don't lie, Heaven Liu. Tell me what happened?"

"I'm not lying." Heaven pressed her lips into a thin line. "It's just that my demons are knocking on the doors of my heart."

He squeezed her shoulders mildly, studying her countenance. It didn't seem she was lying. 

"Do those monsters… scare you?" he blurted out under his breath, thinking her depression and anxiety in the past were catching up with her. 

"No, they don't. They never did."

"Then, why...?"

Heaven pressed her lips as her eyelashes fluttered, displaying the hidden sharpness in her eyes. "They make me angry and that is what scares me. I am scared of myself, Dom. I'm scared of what I'd do and what I would become if I don't get a hold of myself."

"So…" she clutched his clothes as she felt her heart racing, just like how it would race in the past every time a fury burned in her chest. "… will you hold me tonight, Dominic Zhu?"

Dominic opened and closed his mouth like a fish, speechless at her request. But seeing the growing flame underneath those eager eyes, it felt as though she was begging him to hold her still or something bad would happen. 

After another few seconds, he gently pulled her into his embrace. His hand rested on the back of her head while his other hand was on her spine. 

"Better?" he asked under his breath, only to feel her head nod against his chest. 

"Mhm." Heaven's eyes softened, melting into his warm embrace, which she only felt from him. "Better."

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